Addiction Sucks

So I finished the book.

It makes me look at all my life choices, the fact that I blacked out when trying to take care of a toddler, the fact that he sees me sleeping because I’m in a stupor, the fact that he’s learning life lessons from an alcoholic. The fact that I’m being a terrible mom.

But it’s not that I’m terrible all the time. Alcohol has played an important part in my life. It gave me courage to fight, words were said that I don’t know if I meant. Nights getting home when I don’t know how it happened.

Sarah Hepola taught me that alcohol didn’t make me better, it didn’t make me funnier, it didn’t make me stronger. It made me the topic of conversation.

Do you remember what you did last night?

Don’t you remember taking of your shirt like we were in private?

Do you remember how you got to bed?

Do you remember how you got home?

How did I end up naked? Where did my clothes go?

What happened?

As much as I wanted to piece together the stories I couldn’t. I have no recollection of those times and never will. And it’s scary.

There will ALWAYS be another excuse as why today wasn’t a good day to quit smoking, today wasn’t a good day to quit drinking. Just one more.

But one more doesn’t have an end. So I need to just put on my big girl panties and suck it up.

Will quitting my vices be hard? YES

Will I struggle on a regular basis? YES

Will I eventually love my life and myself once again? HELL YEAH!

But this journey is not going to be easy. It’s going to suck. But financially, emotionally, and physically my life and that of my husband and my son will benefit from me being sober.

I always say, tomorrow I will be a Christian and not smoke or drink. But tomorrow is always the next day. But you know what. You just have to do it because there will always be an excuse, always be a reason to fail.

And failing is NOT an option.

I will succeed. I will overcome the addition I have to things that are ruining my life and killing me at the same time.

I WILL PREVAIL.

Hi I’m Daniella…and I’m an Alcoholic

Well you might be thinking oh this is just some young person he want to stop binge drinking no.

No it’s not.

I am 31 years old and I do believe myself to be an alcoholic.

I have been drinking for the last 10 years with more blackouts than I can count. I hope you’ll watch the video and see my story. My story of the first day, the first moment, when I am going to pour out the bottle of White Merlot in my fridge, to clean the deck of cigarette butts and sweep it, to detox my body.

I’m ready for a change. A change that has been a long time coming. A change that I have commented here on before but one that must be done. There is no better time.

I can always find excuses, some reason that I just can’t quit today. But when do this excuses end?

When is it enough?

Well today is enough and I want you to witness the journey with me. I hope you have some words of advice for me and I hope that my journey will help at least one person start theirs.

So check out my link to my first story below!

I’m an alcoholic